This is a paper that we have written. Yeah.
As we pretentiously said in 2018 to the Pace committee deciding whether or not to approve our club, "The Pretentious Press'ssss vision is to gather a community of writers and allow the paper to be a platform for them to express their wit." If you think that sounds like a pompous crock of shit, congratulations, you're an insightful intellectual and you have come to the right place.
2020-2021 Executive Board
Founder, President, Editor-in-Chief
Raised on the mean streets of (suburban) Philadelphia. Rachael enjoys putting loose grapes back on the vine so that they are tight grapes, trying to catch the Crab Girl, and a third thing. She would like to thank her mom for giving her the idea to start this newspaper as a good way to learn how to read and write.
Major: Arts and Entertainment Management
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Jack is also a fan of Jesus Christ.
Secretary, Head of Propaganda
Isabel Fontanals, the silliest of willies, enjoys eating, praying, and loving. Her friends call her daughter, mainly because they’re her parents, and her favorite meal is none of your business. She has contacts all over the country but only one pair of glasses.
Kaylie is sweet on the outside and sour on the inside. She enjoys reading Sherlock Holmes and pretending that she is Sherlock Holmes. She looks like her dog Milo.
Professor of English, writer, and researcher
Faculty advisor, Pace Pretentious Press. 2007 Whitefish, Montana Rodeo Clown of the Year. Went 17-8 for the AA Tacoma Sparrows before blowing out his elbow and pursuing a career in the arts. Whoever comes to you with this Barzini meeting: he’s the traitor.